SOMETIMES IT’S BEST TO LEAVE THE PAST THE PAST

I looked up the history of domestic violence and here is what I found.

This is from Indiana Jen, “Why 1950’s America was NOT Magical.”

Under Domestic Violence it states, “it wasn’t until the 1970’s that Domestic Violence became criminally prosecutable. While there are a few cases of extreme domestic violence going to court (usually including murder), beating on your wife and children was considered discipline and law enforcement generally didn’t respond. In some states (notably California), it was actually illegal to prosecute men for spousal abuse as it was considered a form of sexual discrimination

She went on to write, “In spite of the common fantasy perpetuated in media and some political figures, many women worked outside the home in the 1950’s…usually in some type of domestic role…”

She stated, “I am saying that this was not a ‘magical’ time…most times in our past were not….It’s dangerous to idealize events, people, cultures, and time…appreciate the nows for what they are…There is a reason why the past is the past.”

Then I found a site called WOMENSAFE committed to ending domestic & sexual violence. In it it states, an

“Overview of Historical Laws that Supported Domestic Violence.”

It states, “In the U.S., the courts continued to uphold a man’s right to punish is wife with violence until 1871. In a case known as Fulgam vs. the State of Alabama, the court ruled that, “The privilege, ancient though it may be, to beat her with a stick, to pull her hair, choke her, spit in her face or kick her about the floor or to inflict upon her other indignities, is not now acknowledged by our law.”

Furthermore she states, ” In 1910, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a wife had no cause for action on an assault and battery charge against her husband because it ‘would open the doors of the courts to accusations of all sorts of one spouse against the other and bring into public notice complaints for assaults, slander, and libel.’

“As recently as 1977, the California Penal Code stated that wives charging husbands with criminal assault and battery must suffer more injuries than commonly needed for charges of battery.”

“Today women have the ability to obtain protection orders through the court. However, in almost half of our states, the police are not empowered to enforce these orders, nor is there any penalty for the men who violate them.”

“Reading About Domestic Violence:”

Ann Jones, Next Time She’ll Be Dead; Battering and How to Stop It, 1994, Beacon Press, 288 pages…

Cherrie Morrage and Gloria Anzaldua, editors, The Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color, 1983, Kitchen Table Press.

Ginny NiCarthy, Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life, 1977, Seal Press, 316 pages…with a list of resources.

Ginny NiCarthy and Sue Davidson, You Can Be Free, 1977, Ballentine Books, 245 pages with a list of resources.

Evelyn C. White, Chain, Chain, Change: For Black Women Dealing With Physical and Emotional Abuse, 1985, Seal Press, 78 pages.

Allan Creighton with Paul Kivel, Helping Teens Stop Violence, 1992, Hunter House, 166 pages.

Ann Goetting, Getting Out, Columbia University Press, 1999, Life stories of women who left abusive men.

Elaine Weiss, Surviving Domestic Violence, Angreka Books, 2000, This book tells the story of twelve women who broke free from their abusive partners.

Jan Berliner Statman, The Battered Woman’s Survival Guide, Tyler Publishing Company, 1990, A resource manual for victims, relatives, friends, and professionals, it includes legal options, profile of the battering personality, womens stories and ways to help a friend.”

I came across another site called: WOMEN AGAINST ABUSE Advocacy in Action and it gives a list of types of domestic violence:

TYPES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Technological Abuse, Financial Abuse, and Abuse by Immigration Status.

Katie Young Wilder was named and a phone number listed as 215-386-1280

The National Domestic Hotline is 800-799-7233. or 800-787-3224 (TTY)

On April 7, 2014 The New York Times ran a story called: Signs of Trouble Before New Jersey Centenarian Killed Wife With Ax and Took His Own Life.

100 year old Michael Juskin killed his 88 year old wife, Rosalia Juskin.

“Darrell Steffensmeier, a professor of sociology and criminology at Pennsylvania State University, said that Mr. Juskin was the oldest killer whom he had come across in decades of studying age and crime. Federal Bureau of Investigation data show that only 0.6 percent of murder offenders in 2013 were 75 or older.”

I also came across a great site by GAVIN DE BECKER AND ASSOCIATES

He is the author of several books but the only one I can remember is THE GIFT OF FEAR. You can follow him on goodreads. I did.

They develope THREAT ASSESSMENT SYSTEMS for a number of groups and agencies. If you go to gavindebecker.com

you can use the Mosaic Threat Assessment Free Resource.

Another great source is: Yellow Dyno: “Providing non-fearful memory-enhancing educational products and curricula to protect children from child abuse, molestation, abduction, bullying, date rape, and violent kids.” You can go to xojet.com or call 877-599-6538.

Another great site is: KIDPOWER: “has an exceptional track record in the fields of personal safety and violence prevention.”

You can find it at http://www.kidpower.org or phone 800-467-6997

Laura Petherbridge From CBN.com wrote an article called: “12 Traits of an Abuser.” They are listed below

1. Charming, 2.Jealous, 3. Manipulative, 4. Controlling, 5. A Victim, 6. Narcissistic, 7. Inconsistant, 8. Critical, 9. Disconnected, 10. Hypersensitive, 11. Visious and cruel and 12. Insincerely repentant.

I can personally testify that the 12 Traits are for real. I lived in an abusive relationship for seven years and it was like living with the devil in the flesh. Women, please stay away from men who show these traits.

I hope this article helps some women make a safe choice in the type of man they choose to date and marry. Thank you.

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Voices

VOICES

I’d like to go to Heaven for the day to see my family.

I’d tell grandma how grandpa gave me shots of whiskey for my silence to her.

I’d tell grandma how much I miss her homemade bread and jam.

I’d tell my sister how much I love her and need her in my life.

I’d tell my favorite aunt thank you for teaching me to play baseball

and how much I miss her loving kindness.

I’d tell them all how I still hear their voices once in a while.

Sometimes I need down time to think on these things.

It keeps me on the right path and to do the right thing

especially when they are here to guide me.

I like to be alone sometimes because I need my downtime

and that’s when I hear voices all the time.

By Bonnie Gail Carter

This poem was supposed to be in my book but for some reason it isn’t in the book.

TWO POEMS FROM “THE CHILL TURNED WARM” AND A MUSIC VIDEO BY DONNIE TOWNSEND

My boyfriend Donnie Townsend read two poems in my book: THE CHILL TURNED WARM and he wrote a song called

LITTLE GIRL IN THE ORPHANAGE. Here are the two poems and the song.

THE PRISONER IN GRADE SCHOOL

She felt rejected, unloved, and unwanted.

She feels like she is being punished for something.

She wants her family back more than living.

The fantasy of her family being together again is her only happiness.

She cries and prays to her God a lot.

For three long years she clung to the fence.

While serving her time, her only crime was loneliness.

No one cared enough to parole her from the orphanage.

She feels the presence of the fence as an adult.

Her hands cling to the fence within.

Just like then no one hears her cries.

There is no key to the gate.

by Bonnie Gail Carter

THE CHILD INSIDE OF ME

The child inside of me wants to be free of the fence surrounding me.

The fence is so high I want to fly to my home in the sky

where I’ll be free of the emotional pain encompassing me.

There was no love at this place called an orphanage.

They didn’t care very much.

I was withdrawing within, building a wall to protect myself

from the emotional pain I’m going to set on a shelf.

I can dust it off and start with a clean slate.

Only time will tell what emotions are sunken deep in the well.

My heart feels like a black hole instead of having a soul,

searching for the warmth of the sun to lighten the load

leading to a better-traveled road.

by Bonnie Gail Carter

https://youtu.be/QosOHAUox7k click here to hear LITTLE GIRL IN THE ORPHANAGE by Donnie Townsend